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Belgian Team Championships 2019 @ Horizon VZW
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Caledonian Deathwatch Network

Tales of the Singular Gamer – Part 3

Hey 40k fans, just a quick update as things have went a bit quiet on the Hive Fleet front, some might say that the shadow of the warp has fallen over it…oh yeah, I went there.

Well this is just to let you all know that’s it been a disaster, I knew the painting part would be as hard for me as that time I tried to do the Jenna Jameson movie marathon, but it’s not been helped either with the World Cup or me attempting to replace all the sweat I have lost in the recent good weather with alcohol resulting in a fair few lost weekends…but let’s not kid ourselves here those aren’t the real reasons…the real reason is the disaster I made of my genestealers. How much of a disaster did I make of them I hear you cry, say, whisper, think or type? Well they are on the same level as the chocolate tea pot, the inflatable dart board and The Shockmaster’s debut on WCW.

Through the weeping, the gnashing of teeth and the wailing of discontent I can hear the masses ask how could this have happened? How could your eight baby genestealers be fallen such a terrible fate? Well therein lies a tale of tragedy and my own aresholery….I remember it well, it started out just like another day with dawn horn but once that had passed it was hobby geekery as normal.

The genestealers had been built and spray painted black with no issues at all and I felt like a young lad ready to take on a new adventure with the painting them up in the proud colours of Hive Fleet Kylo Ren. I had been browsing through the Games Workshop citadel paint app and the Warhammer TV youtube videos to see what paints I would need to assemble and for general painting tips and advice. Duncan Rhodes was becoming my painting messiah with his talk of two thin coats soon replacing the soundtrack of the grunting and groaning that accompanies my normal internet browsing, but strangely having the same effect…oh you put two thin coats on that Duncan…two thin coats Duncan…two thin coats….two thin coats ttttttttttttttttwwwooooo thhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn coooooooooaaaaatttttttttssssssssssssssssssss Dunnnnnnnc uuuugh…………………………………………………..

So I was cleaned up and ready to paint. First off a thinned down coat of red on Gerry, then Gary, then Gordon, then Gregory and then I thought “hold on wouldn’t it be easier to just spray paint them red?” What a fantastic idea, what could possible go wrong? Oh but it went wrong, how much wrong? Very wrong. In fact it could have went none more wronger than it did go wrong.

I sprayed them all red just doing it the way I would with the black spray paint, feeling full of confidence that this would speed up the process tenfold, came back to check on them when they were dry and dun dun duuuuuuuun I had successfully ruined all eight of my baby genestealers. I had clogged up all the detail on one side and had missed most of the underneath parts so they were showing an odd mix of light red dusting with black undertones. Not cool. Dismayed at this I vented my immediate frustration, disappointment and overall guttedness to The Greatest Lover in the World Liam O’Shea and my editor Editing Spencer to which both shared sympathies and queried if they could be saved.

Could they be saved? Through my grief stricken state I never considered such a thought but I vowed that I would do my best to bring them back from the brink. But every time I have sat down to work on them it just annoys me too much, their detail being clogged up makes washing and highlighting them a moot point so trying to work on them was just reminding me of how badly I had messed up which was making me not want to work on them. I need to work on them but when I do go to work on them I won’t be able to get them to look as good as I would like them to. So my solution has been to put them to one side till I can research a safe way to strip the paint off them without ruining the model underneath and to begin work on my Broodlord….without fucking it all up this time thank you very much.

But that’s not all as I have decided to get new baby genestealers so I can work on them as I need baby genestealers in my life, that’s right very soon there will be a Gerry 2, a Gary 2, a Gordon 2, a Gregory 2, a Gareth 2, a Graham 2, a George 2 and a Grant 2. Hive Fleet Kylo Ren will recover from this looking much smarter and classier for it.

So that is where we are currently at 40k fans no further forward than last time, I curse my nonsensical spray painting ways, though I predict some progress will be made next month with big Bartholomew the Broodlord being finished ready for mauling, moustache twirling and his close up sleight of hand magic tricks…his disappearing head trick has to be seen to be believed all he requires is a willing participant to take part, or unwilling…the participants he has been practising on haven’t had much of a say in the matter and can’t really complain afterwards to be fair.

Also I am not at that stage where I want to start getting some games in with my fledgling Hive Fleet, they shall be very small point games so should be able to fit a few games in the one sitting. So if you are keen to be instrumental in the first few faltering steps to greatness for Kylo Ren on the table top then just let me know and I shall try and work something out and get some games in, be it at the Glasgow Workshop, or a house, or a club or a friend’s house, or a strangers house or even just out in the street somewhere I am sure we’ll be able to sort it out.

So until next time keep it gribbly.

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