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Caledonian Deathwatch Network

There and Back Again

There and Back Again

A Berzerkers Tale of Stronghold VII

Hey there everybody, Kurt the Khorne Berzerker here to give you all a mini report of my experiences at the Stronghold VIII event that was held on the 12th of May. It all started a week or so beforehand when I heard that there was going to be the chance of some bloodletting and skull taking at  Stronghold, so I made a few calls and got the band back together, we had to borrow a Land Raider though from the Black Templars across the street. At first they tried to put up a protest, but the removal of their skulls soon ended any disagreements and we were off up the M77 (bet you didn’t know the brass throne is actually in a small village in Ayrshire) killing, maiming and burning on our jolly way.

We arrived with relatively few spawndom incidents to find that the first army to fall beneath our chainswords and chainaxes would be the Eldar. Eldar at the best times can be tricky opponents and this proved to be the case again when they deployed the rather unsporting behaviour of shooting at us before we had the chance to get hitting them in the face. So it was a bit of a disaster as you can imagine and to make it even more galling when we finally did get to butcher something it turned out they were xeno spacesuits piloted by dead pointy ears…so no skulls for the skull throne, a crushing blow.

For the next battle the big man himself gave us a much needed pep talk “Get some skulls for my big chair you ken.” That inspired us no end for our next go, this time against Death Guard. This went a lot better we finally got some skulls and we spilt some blood…well the thick gloop that the sons of Nurgle call blood but hey beggars can’t be choosers. It was a good battle with heavy casualties on both sides. The only odd thing being, fighting Death Guard is a bit like fighting your cousins, but there is no escaping the fact those Nurgle boys are just plain weird. I had to take my helmet off at one point so I could blow my nose and one of them asked if he could have my hankie. So I let him, then I cleaved his head off before I turned his remains into nought but blood and gore, then I set it on fire for good measure.

Apparently though the aim wasn’t about collecting skulls, but making sure we were standing on small discs with numbers on them…which we didn’t do so that wasn’t so good in the end. After that we had a spot of lunch, Kelvin the resident butter spreader had brought cucumber sandwiches with him so we got stuck into them with a nice bottle of ginger beer comparing skulls we had harvested and bemoaning the lack of any victories so far hoping and praying to the big man himself for his blessings going forward for the remainder of the day. As we finished our lunch and packed everything away we wondered if Khorne had answered our prayers… Next opponents…Orks you dancer, thanks big man.

Now this was finally a proper fight, the blood flowed in rivers and skulls were heaped high. The carnage was tremendous, sure we lost Keith, Kevin, Kris, Kit, Ken, Kenneth, Kenny, Konrad, Klaus, Kasper, Kyle and Kirk, but the big K dog doesn’t care where the blood flows from or where the skulls come from. We were smashing Orks to the right to us, we were smashing Orks to the left of us, they were smashing us back, not only did we even get to burn things down but all the best things in life such tremendous fun. Finally a triumph, our spirits invigorated we headed into the last battle full of renewed confidence, eager to take on anybody and come away with another victory.

But Khorne giveth and Khorne can taketh awayith…Gun line Tau, I mean come on!!! We knew from the outset that this wasn’t going to be pretty and that’s how it pretty much turned out, the Tau, a cowardly race much like those space elves, they stood as far back as possible blasting us with their fancy weaponry not giving us any real chance of smashing them to pieces in glorious combat. You can’t even charge them without all their mates ganging up on you, big bullies (more unsporting behaviour). We did get some skulls but it wasn’t enough in the end, another beating, however we did remember to stand on one of those wee discs things this time so a slight moral victory there.

The ride back down the M77 was a more sombre affair than coming up with a lot of reflection and discussion about the ordeal we had just been through. War goes through many different iterations, with different tactics coming to the fore before ebbing away for the newer shinier method of crushing the foe underfoot. The current state of play seems to favour the heavy shooting focus, leaving us poor melee specialists kicking our heels, we can do a lot of damage still if we can get into melee range but it’s a big IF on getting there. The transports do help out a bit but the down side is there are only so many bodies you can comfortably squeeze in, what with weapons sticking about all over the place, pointy bits on the armour and the drinks cabinet in the corner plus there is no guarantee that the transport will get you to where you want to go although could be worse…could be one of those dodgy Slaanesh followers…we don’t like them, we don’t like them at all.

Apart from these quibbles it was a thoroughly enjoyable day out, a massive thank you to Chapter Master Metcalfe and Commander O’Shea for organising everything. A thank you also to all the generals that turned up to make it such a fun event and a massive congratulations to the overall winner Innes the Wolf. Stronghold VIII next year has already been pencilled in the calendar. Anyway that’s enough from me for now, the kettle has just boiled and the Blood Bowl is about to start on the telly.

Come on you Gorechild Athletic!!!

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